Are Your Friends and Family Stopping You From Achieving Your Health Goals?

“A lot of research on social norms shows that we want to be doing what everyone else is doing and what others think we should be doing,” says Gretchen Chapman, a professor of social and decision sciences at Carnegie Mellon University.

When you change what you’re doing, everyone around you feels it. Oftentimes, people perceive your lifestyle changes as a threat, either to their relationship with you or to their own self-esteem, Chapman explains. For example, if in the past you and your friends made a habit of checking out your city’s best, most indulgent restaurants, when you declare, “I’m trying to eat healthier,” everyone could be left wondering, “What now?” They could also worry that you think they need to eat healthier, or that you are judging their choices. As a result, they may encourage you to fill up on desserts with them anyway, unconsciously hindering your efforts.

“In part, it may be to alleviate their own guilt or shame for not engaging in healthy behaviors,” says Susan Albers, a psychologist at the Cleveland Clinic and author of “Eating Mindfully for Teens.”

“Meanwhile, often spouses fear that if their significant other loses weight, that it will change their attraction to them and they will lose their significant other. This may be a conscious or unconscious fear,” Albers says.

Sometimes, enabling or sabotaging behaviors may be unrelated to fear or guilt and may be be completely inadvertent, Albers says. For example, someone who has never struggled with smoking might not realize that visiting a smoky bar can be a trigger for anyone trying to quit. And a grandmother who uses food as a way to show love may keep baking cookies for you, no matter how many times you say, “I’m cutting down on sugar.”

So what should you do when those closest to you are hindering rather than helping your efforts? Experts explain a few time-tested strategies.