The following is from a newsletter that I sent out last week. (If you haven’t signed up for my What The Health?! weekly email newsletter, you totally should!). I was really astounded by the response I received and how much it impacted others who have struggled with their own setbacks. So I decided I would share it here!
The last seven days have been rough for me. They started off with a concussed boyfriend and ended with literally spilled milk. And when you’re in the middle of scary health tests and switching SSRIs, yes, you do cry about it.
But it’s not just me who has been having a tough time. (Obviously, my dazed and confused boyfriend, has had plenty of issues.) The last week has also been rough for an RD friend who is battling chronic pain AND the flu. For a training client whose father has been in the hospital. For my cousin who is juggling two toddlers, a kitchen remodel, and a crazed work schedule.
The point is, life happens. And, sometimes, it happens in a way that is inconvenient, painful, or altogether disruptive of our plans. We skip on sleep, miss workouts, under- or overeat, and declare we have no time for ourselves. Self care? What’s that?
Some of us say we’ve failed, messed up, or fallen off of the bandwagon. We bemoan the fact that we are moving further from, rather than closer to, our goals. “Time wasted,” we say.
Lies. And self-sabotaging ones at that. They put us in an on-or-off, black-or-white mentality that ignores our successes and our emotional and physical needs.
But what if, instead of falling for those lies, we approach the chaos and so-called “setbacks” in our lives with an acceptance-based, process, or growth mindset? Things would radically change.
Three separate, but highly entwined, psychological concepts, they dismiss the notion that a “setback” is a reflection of our character or worth. They require acknowledging and legitimizing our thoughts and actions, and what triggered them. By doing so, we can then look at things objectively and say, “OK, this was an understandable response or way to try to deal with what was happening in my life. But did it actually serve me?”
No judgement or belief that you did anything wrong. Just the acceptance that 1+1=2. And if 3 was actually the goal, thinking through how can you tweak the equation in the future to get the intended result?
What’s more, it’s important to recognize every little success, rather than calling anything other than “perfection” a failure. Hey, even if you didn’t get 3, 2.5 is closer than 2! And when you get closer to your goal than you would have in the past (given the same situation), I think that’s something worth celebrating.
Like, when you’re stressed, is eating a whole box of Oreos your MO? So, if, this time, you ate an entire box minus one cookie, that’s success! Don’t discount that! And, even if you ate the entire box, but were able to show yourself compassion and start to understand what’s driving that behavior, that’s asuccess!
Time and time again, research shows this approach is not only way more enjoyable and empowering, it’s also more effective at helping people make healthy changes for good.
Remember, “setbacks” don’t have to move you further from your goal. They can move you ever closer.
Stay strong!
Aleisha